AMC is currently showing The Searchers. It could possibly be the greatest western ever made. It certainly is my favorite. They're going to show it on the big screen next week here in town, and I'm going to go, even if it's by myself.

It's the little things that cheer me up.

. . . or pseudo-stress. Or at least stress when things aren't really going that poorly. An embarrassment of riches, as it were.

I'm beginning think the nebulousness of my work situation is undermining any attempt on my part to relax and enjoy my day off. I've always hated uncertainty: my entire life I've constantly strove to have things sorted out beforehand. I was the guy who came to the airport three or four hours early, before anyone had heard of Al Qaeda or Homeland Security. Why? Because I didn't want to end up having to rush anywhere once I was there -- I wanted it sorted out. I remember the last week of the summer I spent going to school in Italy that I unnecessarily limited myself to one meal a day, just out of fear that disaster would hit and somehow my train trip to Milan would get screwed up and I wouldn't have enough lire to find a room before I went to the airport the next day. I've always been this way. So this job uncertainty is eating at me, even though I'll have more than enough money to make it through the semester combining student loans and part-time work. It's not enough, in my mind anyway. I've already put some applications in, and it will bug me until I know something. And this is doesn't even address the issue of insurance and having two part-time jobs versus one full-time job.

It's bleeding over to education. I've been sifting through graduate programs, some close (Missouri, Washington), some not so close (University of Washington in Seattle, Boston University), and I've realized that I totally want to floor the accelerator and get things rolling, and I want it done yesterday. I suppose in my mind ten years off is enough already, although in the grand scheme of things a few more weeks before I can sit down and plot with my advisor is nothing, when placed in proper perspective. Normally, I would hold to that latter position, but the edginess from work is difficult to compartmentalize and is infecting other aspects of my life.

I just want everything done already. Sometimes I may deliberate too much, but when I do finally come to a decision, I act. I can't act here, and it's driving me insane.

The good: I got a raise.

The bad: I was informed they could not work with my fall schedule, and as I told them school is non-negotiable, they are forcing me to part-time four weeks from today.

The ugly: There goes my health insurance.

That's the way it is, July 30, 2008.

So, I'm having a discussion in this thread in xambrius's journal (my apologies in advance, Tim) regarding the ahistorical disconnect of modern neo-pagan "druids," and this is part of one of the responses I receive:

"Expecting modern-day interpretation of faiths based on druidic origins to mirror their ages-old counterparts is like calling Catholics poseurs because they don't carry on some kind of modern-day Inquisition. Just as you don't see people disemboweling others with bronze knives at Stonehenge and reading their entrails, others no longer see Christians burning people at the stake or putting thumbscrews to the Jewish."

Now, I'm generally circumspect about this sort of thing, and this case I chose to ignore correcting it because it would be a sidebar that didn't advance my larger point. But honestly, as a historian, White Wolf has driven me mad. I honestly wonder how many people get their history from White Wolf books. Probably more than we'd like to admit (although in all honesty, I don't know if it's the case here, but it brought to the fore something I'd been milling over in my head). I've read some history in those books which makes me cringe. Who knew that Inquisition was liturgical practice? They left that out of my CCD classes when I was a kid. I'm going to get up from watching the Travel Channel and have to go crack a book or something.

darthbeckman, go get that stake fired up and I'll go round up some witches and Jews. Otherwise, you're just a BIG FAKER.

The new trailer for the Watchmen movie was released on the 18th, and I only got to see it last night. Go see it for yourself. It looks freakin' fantastic. After watching The Dark Knight last week, it feels like I'm in heaven and all my adaptation dreams are being realized.

It's July 27th, a month to the day from when classes start again. I could do it tomorrow.

I really haven't been writing much as of late, but my life's been a busy mass of scheduling, work, and occasional relaxation that has nothing to do with this box of wires and electrical magic which sits atop this folding table I pretend is a normal desk. It feels good not to punch a keyboard all of the time.

School starts a month from today. Did I mention that?

Note the impatience. Even when things are cosmically aligning for me, I am not satisfied. Probably speaks to some manner of character defect. By all standards, I shouldn't think about school and just enjoy my last class-free month for some time. It's difficult for me to do, however, when I feel liked I've coasted for too long and now I just want to get going. It needs to be done. Yesterday.

Not sure whether this is symptomatic of a minor alteration of habit, or the beginning of a notable sea change. Time will reveal all, I suppose. I find myself doing things that I haven't done in a long time. I went to confession last week. It's been years. I'm looking at mass schedules again. I'm probably going to start writing in a separate space about such things; let me know if you (and I speak directly to you, the single reader of my blog) want in. But I am going to attempt to write more, in any event.

I need to clean this apartment. Throw some junk out. Move some stuff that isn't junk in.

It's really steamy outside. Finally, Missouri is acting in a manner consistent with the calendar. The days are hot and long. Good thing I've got a cold bottle of Albarino.

Your result for The Steampunk Style Test...

The Aristocrat

71% Elegant, 52% Technological, 50% Historical, 32% Adventurous and 6% Playful!

Take The Steampunk Style Test at HelloQuizzy

Now: how many of you out there played Space: 1889 back in the day?

I went to see the movie tonight and enjoyed it immensely: it was the Batman movie that I'd been waiting twenty years to see. It was a pleasure to finally see the Joker played the way my generation of comic readers envisioned him. I'm going to have to dig up a copy of The Killing Joke now.

So, for all you grad types out there:

How long does ETS keep GRE scores? I went to their website to look for it, but I couldn't come up with anything. I took it a decade ago, did well (I can't remember what the score was offhand), and I'm wondering if I am going to have to pony up the lucre and take the damned thing again. I'd really rather avoid it if I could. But I sincerely doubt I'm going to be able to.

When McCain was in the Navy in Vietnam, he knew who the enemy was. These days he's got to watch the incoming from his friends.

When you don't deal with an entire class of citizens on a day-to-day basis, they slowly become abstractions when you think about them. That goes for both the working class and the ultra-rich. The problem being, of course, the working class are out on the front lines of whatever economic disaster comes down the pipe. The other end of the spectrum is slightly more insulated. In a year where the Republicans are set to take a whipping over economic stewardship, they don't need Gramm running his mouth off and diminishing McCain's already small chance of wearing the mantle of Tribune of the People.

My current standings.

The Senate. Insincerity drips from every message the Senate sends in praise of your efforts for the Republic. Your popularity with the mob makes most Senators uncomfortable, and a few openly wonder about your true loyalties.

The People. The plebs think well of you: very well in fact. You are seen as a bulwark against the dictatorial power of the Senate and a champion of Rome.

That's right. And don't forget it.

I haven't been getting much sleep lately. It's probably a combination of working reverse hours recently (nights instead of days) and the exhaustion from having to perform emotional triage all last week around the funeral. It's only now beginning to settle in, and my demeanor has taken a very melancholy turn. I'll quietly do my thing, but I suspect the whole thing will hit me like a ton of bricks about a month from now, when I am sitting at a stoplight or something similar.

To keep my mind off darker meditations, I've been playing a fair amount of Rome: Total War. I've got a copy of Shogun squirreled away somewhere, and I've always wanted a copy of Medieval, but when it comes down to it the ancients own my heart, particularly the Romans. I'm enjoying it thoroughly, having already conquered Spain, Gaul, and established Britannia, I'm turning my eyes to the Rhine frontier while preparing myself for the inevitable civil war to come when one of the other Roman factions dispenses with the pretense of republicanism and makes a play for the throne. I fought a great battle the other night versus the Gauls -- we were deep in a forest, so I had no real means to watch and control my cohorts from above, which means I had to run the entire battle at eye level in the woods, all while it was snowing. Cinematic and awesome, the Gauls broke on my scutums like so many waves against the rocks. It was altogether a pretty sweet deal, if you weren't the one in plaid carrying a big sword.

I haven't said much about school lately, but it's shaping up quite nicely as well. They managed to shoehorn me into a 4pm French class, so I've avoided having to take Spanish to fulfill my graduation requirement, which is good. Nothing against Spanish, but I have zero interest, and it doesn't serve me in good stead for graduate work in any case. But here's something that absolutely amazes me -- Drury offers your typical foreign languages: you know, Spanish, German, French, etc, in additional to Hebrew and Classical Greek. However, there is no Latin. At all. Central High across the street has it. But Drury doesn't. So I'm going to have to wait until graduate school, I suppose, unless I attempt to teach myself. I doubt that would go well at all.

Oh, and another irony: Boston University is one of the graduate schools I'm seriously considering. That would be an interesting circle completing. I'm reading quite a bit about the University of Washington's Roman program, as well.

Enough personal minutiae. I've got to pour another glass of sherry. Cheers.

gislebertus hoc fecit

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.


Button Gwinnett
Lyman Hall
George Walton
William Hooper
Joseph Hewes
John Penn
Edward Rutledge
Thomas Heyward, Jr.
Thomas Lynch, Jr.
Arthur Middleton
John Hancock
Samuel Chase
William Paca
Thomas Stone
Charles Carroll of Carrollton
George Wythe
Richard Henry Lee
Thomas Jefferson
Benjamin Harrison
Thomas Nelson, Jr.
Francis Lightfoot Lee
Carter Braxton
Robert Morris
Benjamin Rush
Benjamin Franklin
John Morton
George Clymer
James Smith
George Taylor
James Wilson
George Ross
Caesar Rodney
George Read
Thomas McKean
William Floyd
Philip Livingston
Francis Lewis
Lewis Morris
Richard Stockton
John Witherspoon
Francis Hopkinson
John Hart
Abraham Clark
Josiah Bartlett
William Whipple
Samuel Adams
John Adams
Robert Treat Paine
Elbridge Gerry
Stephen Hopkins
William Ellery
Roger Sherman
Samuel Huntington
William Williams
Oliver Wolcott
Matthew Thornton

Today I buried my grandfather, serving as a pallbearer. After suffering for the past few years, he has finally found some rest, and for that I am deeply thankful. It seems like it was only yesterday when we'd drive up to Truman Lake at 3 AM in order to go fishing, or play checkers on his front porch. I don't think the reality has sunk in quite yet.

I've always intensely disliked funerals and visitations, because they seem to bring out the worst, most maudlin aspects of people; the room is full of triggers designed to bring out bouts of open grief. If one person loses their composure, it cascades across the room. I can't help but feel manipulated by the sights and sounds. My cousin picked out the music. Other than bagpipes and Amazing Grace, it was sentimental, morose, and horrible.

I'll miss the man dearly. He was a tower of strength, compassion, and honesty. The world is a smaller place now without him.

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